this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
