Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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