I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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