What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
