She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
