i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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