I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
