I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
