your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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