Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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