went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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