I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
