I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize