help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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