Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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