I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
