Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize