I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
