every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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