your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
