Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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