u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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