Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
