I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
