you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
