I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize