Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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