After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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