Where did you get a picture of my penis
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
