Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize