The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
