K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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