it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
