Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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