But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
