You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
