just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
