As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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