he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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