So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
