I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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