I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
