I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
