I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
