Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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