I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize