why didn't you poke me back
You can't special order awesome
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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