She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
