Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize