When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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