Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
