Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
