i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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