69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
