I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
