Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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