True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
