I'm so fucking centered right now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
