just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
