Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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