i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
