I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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