Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
