Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
