Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
