I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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