Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
