i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
