She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
