Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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