Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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