nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
