don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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