I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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