I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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