It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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